The Haka.

For those of you who know New Zealand at all or for those of you who have ever seen the All Blacks play rugby you will know that the Haka is a traditional Maori dance. It is very spirited and revs up even the most timid Kiwi. When you are away from your home country it can even bring a tear to the eye :-)

My eldest son was sent this version of it the other day and I liked it so much I thought I'd share it with you after all my heavy posts of late (more to come). Do enjoy a take on Maori culture.

As I look at the ticker above I see that we are fast approaching the one year anniversary of our departure from our beloved Ecuador. I can't believe it has been a whole year! At times it seems like it was just yesterday and other times it feels like the place never really existed. It's another part of balance that I'm not coping particularly well with.

I'm finding it difficult to keep both parts of my life on some kind of equal level. There are days when I really miss Ecuador and my special friendships there and then there are days when I actually enjoy living in NZ. But when I feel happy to be here I feel as though I am betraying the love and care of those I have left so far away. I find it tough to keep memories and my life now all together in my brain. Most of the time I seem to push one to the side and try to concentrate on the other. At the moment I am trying so hard to keep it together here in NZ that Ecuador hardly features at all and then when I think I am doing well something reminds me of all that I have lost and I lose it completely. I try not to allow myself to grieve or remember as it is so painful and I feel as though I can't keep doing a good job pretending that all is okay here. Does that even make sense? I have so many emails from my friends in Ecuador and I haven't responded to them in months. I feel terrible about it and it makes me feel worse but how do I explain to them the inner battle that I have everytime I remember them? I long so much to just talk to them but even thinking about calling them makes me run for the bed covers and hide. Nige has spoken to them a couple of times and I have been secretly glad that I was out when he did so I didn't have to speak to them myself. Doesn't that sound horrible!What I really want is just to see them and hug them, to take them out for coffee and dessert or empanadas, to just hang with them but that's not possible and that's what hurts.

The other day in church the woman who prayed for us looked at me and said that she could sense that I had deep grief which I wasn't allowing out. How true was that! I hold it all in to protect myself and my family. I hold it in so that I can be strong for everyone else in my family who is falling apart. I have to be the strong one. I have to be the one they can rely on and turn to when everything else turns to custard. I know that one day I won't be able to hold on any longer. One day it will all just fall out of me and I will finally get to grieve for my heartland. I'm scared that once I start I will never stop crying.

I guess I had better stop here. My eyes are moistening up and I still have emails to answer. I think we might just have to do something special together as a family on the 12th August to remember and celebrate our Ecuadorian-ness. Perhaps I should go hunting for plantain and make Caldo de bolas. Que Rico!!!

Keeping your life in balance is a tough thing to do sometimes. I haven't written for quite a while because I just haven't been able to bring my head into a space to be able to do so. There is so much running through it that I chose to steer clear of writing it all down. Now that I've worked through some stuff I'll post over the next couple of days what has been happening. Needless to say it's all about balance.

The past two weeks have been school holidays so I have been mainly at home with the kids. The first week Nige and I took as holidays and tried to do something fun every day with them. We went to the city centre on the train then walked for hours up and down the main street. We went ten pin bowling, shopped, took in a couple of movies, had a late night up where we watched videos and ate popcorm until midnight and other things. At times we all had fun but all of us were very tired and stressed so most days ended up with someone being grumpy and that getting us all in a foul mood. Not pleasant at all! We were glad to get back into some kind of routine the next week with Nige and I balancing the kids and our jobs.

We tried to begin a bible study group with some young marrieds at church so I spent the day cooking desserts and cleaning. All to no avail. No one turned up!!! At least in NZ you can actually get to a certain time after the start time and say no one was coming whereas in Ecuador everyone's sense of timing is so up the wop they could still turn up 2 hours later and be on time. In the end we took our desserts to a friends house and shared them with them which was nice. We weren't too disappointed and will try again next week but this time I'm not making so much to eat :-)

It's just been a really hard month of late. Work has been so busy and stressful for both of us that that has impacted on our home life. The boys have been busy, tired and stressed (more on that later) that they have been unbearable to live with and Nige and I have also been having trouble keeping in check our grief at leaving Ecuador. It tends to sneak up on you when you are feeling most vulnerable. One Sunday we went forward for prayer and since then have had much better days. God just seemed to step in a lift our burdens and heartache. He's good like that huh? I'm so glad I have him to rely on. Some days that's all that gets me through. I remember once being told that cultural change is like being tossed about in the boat on the sea. The sea can be fierce at times and holding on difficult but the boat (God) remains the same. He will always be my refuge. I'm so thankful for that.

So I'll ty and post more later. I'm doing this while at work....the only place I seem to be able to use the computer. Hope the boss doesn't mind :-)

Injections! I hate them!!

I feel like a pin cushion sometimes. It seems that I have had more than the normal person when it comes to jabs. I guess living overseas means you need to be up to date on all those nasty bugs like typhoid, rabies, yellow fever, meningitis, TB, tetanus etc etc etc (the list could go on for ages!) This past week Nige and I have been updating our jabs in preparation for a big trip to Africa in August (I'll tell you all about that another time). That means that between us we have had 9 injections! Nige was brave enough to have all his on one day but I spread mine over a couple of days. They have left my arm red and sore, not to mention a little itchy and blistered. The biggest hassle has been my mantoux (the TB indicator jab in your forearm). If you have antibodies you have a small reaction....mine was massive. So big in fact that the nurse called the Doctor in for a look. They promptly sent me off for a chest xray and blood tests as well as several urine tests all with the purpose of checking that I am actually TB free. The only good thing to come of all this is that I can't ever have another mantoux which I am quite thankful for (apparently the reaction only gets worse everytime). So that was my last week and this week taken up with bldod tests. Yuck! I guess it's all in the name of good health.

This week I reached my first 5 kilos lost! YAY!!! That meant that I received a bookmark with my first gold star to mark those 5 kilos. For every 5 you lose you get another gold star. What a great feeling. It has taken me ages to get here but it is great now that I've reached this first milestone. It makes the rest of my journey look possible.

We are invited to give a pearl of wisdom when we receive our award. Mine was "Don't give up". It doesn't matter how much you might have fallen off the wagon one day or one week there is always a blank page the next day so you can start over. That's how I live sometimes. I think it's a good motto as well in our every day life. No matter how much you might have stuffed up you can always start afresh tomorrow and not look back.

Be encouraged today.

Goodnight Kiwi was a hit as I was growing up. I didn't get to see it very often as it was played at the closing down of broadcasting on the TVNZ network. He has become quite iconic and was only taken off air once the TV station went to 24 hour broadcasts. This is a trip down memory lane for me and many other kiwis.

Autumn!

It is such a beautiful time of the year and one that I have missed out on for the past 8 years as Ecuador has just two seasons a year...wet and dry. As I sit in my office and gaze out the window I see trees still changing the colour of their leaves. The wind blows and causes them to flutter gracefully to the ground below. What a sight! I have been watching the treess on the sides of the road as I drive home. The colours are vibrant and varied. Reds, oranges and yellows. Like tongues of fire crackling in the cooler weather.

The majority of New Zealand's native trees are evergreen. they don't change colour but remain a vibrant green throughout the year. As you walk through the native forests you are hit with the wetness of the moss and ponga ferns as they grow in the shade of the great kauri trees. It is all quite stunning. But being a girl who just adores colour (you should see my house!) I am in awe of God's handiwork as he paints each leaf a different shade.

Now that the big trees in the centre of my office window have shed their leaves I get the most stunning view stretching across the harbour to the peninsula on the other side. When the sun hits the glistening water everything just seems right in the world. There is a huge Norfolk pine tree which stands tall and proud and remains green while the rest of the view is dotted with the colours of Autumn. Now those of you in the Northern Hemisphere will have to wait to enjoy all these colours but I do envy you a little as you enter into summer weather, beaches, picnics and ice creams. Still today, I wouldn't trade my million dollar view for anything!

A new family photo What do you think?

It was taken as a school fundraiser for Isaac's school which is quite a good idea. The pose is a bit formal for us. We are usually much more casual but it's still cute don't you think? I like to have updated picis as the boys change so much in such a short amount of time. We have always tried to send out a new prayer card every year. It's really fun to see what they have all been like. We have one friend who has every one on his fridge, dating all the way back to just us and Caleb (now that's a long time ago).

It's birthday time this next week. Both boys have parties so I will be busy making cakes and organising games etc. I can't believe my baby will be 10 and my eldest is nearly a teenager. Where did the time go?

So I'm A Snap Dragon. It sounds horrible but the description is as follows: "Mischief is your middle name, but your first is friend. You are quite the prankster that loves to make other people laugh."

Sounds like me....don't you think?

I am a Snapdragon What Flower Are You?

An Australian Trip

One of the reasons I haven't written much recently is that I have been traveling. At the beginning of May I flew just 3 hours to Sydney, Australia for a personnel consultation for SIM. What a great time I had! I arrived a couple of days early so that i could hang out with my Aunt who I hadn't seen for several years.
On our first day together she must have driven me all round Sydney to see the sights. I had never been there before even though it is so close to home. We drove over the Harbour birdge and round the Opera House. It's architecture really is quite something to see. Then we drove round several beaches including Bondi Beach which is well known for it's surfing. It was a beautiful day to do all this as well and was quite spectacular. I managed to get a little shopping in for the lads back at home in NZ which I always enjoy doing. I had been sent on a mission to find a kangaroo exactly like the one Isaac had lost the year before. What a job that turned out to be!!!! It was so important to him that everytime he talked to me on the phone he cried because I hadn't found "Jack" yet. God knew how big a thing it was for him and thankfully i found one in a shop at the airport as I was a bout to leave the country. He was thrilled and it hasn't been out of his sight since!

The next day all the SIM sending office Personnel people from around the world (South Africa, USA, UK, NZ, Australia, Canada, Singapore and Korea) met up and we travelled 2 hours south of Sydney, into the bush, where we stayed at this campsite for the rest of the week. It was a gorgeous setting with thousands of gum trees and a beautiful river just down the path from our cabins. What a peaceful place to be. The only bummer was that I didn't have cell phone coverage but when we went for walks I managed to pick up the odd signal so was able to stay in touch with home.

We worked hard everyday from early in the morning until mid evening. It was tiring but was also an excellent way for me to get my head around issues in the SIM world and network with others from different offices. It gave me space to think about how we do things here in the NZ office and ways in which we could improve oursleves. I learnt how thankful I am to work in the NZ office as we have a lot of freedom to develop great relationships with our missios and encourage/mentor them. What a privilege. All in all it was a great week away. I missed the lads terribly but we all survived our time apart. They had a nice party for me when I got home and the next day was Mothers Day so it was extra special.

PS....On one of our walks we saw a real, live wombat! He was so cute (this is him here....thanks Laura for the pici) He was just sitting in the long grass as we walked by and didn't seem bothered by our presence at all. At the time I was talking to Isaac on the phone and he thought it was a pretty cool thing to see. No koalas or kangaroos though. Maybe next time.

Persimmons!

I've discovered persimmons.

They are a sweet, pear like fruit that looks like an under ripe tomato. Actually it looks like a "ripe" tomato if you go by an Ecuadorian definition of "ripeness". I have to admit to being a little sceptical when I first saw someone eat them. My recollection of these fruit was when my family moved to Auckland when I was 16 and we had a persimmon tree in the back yard. We had no idea what to do with them so when we thought they were ripe we ate one. It was like chewing on a hunk of cornflour....it sucked all the saliva out of our mouths! Not pleasant in the least. In those days we were told that you had to wait until they were almost rotten to eat them and then they were delicious but the thought of eating almost rotten fruit did not enthrall us at all so we didn't bother. These days you can eat them crunchy. They must have developed a new brand of them.

Since discovering them I have eaten one a day for the last couple of weeks. No one else in the family really likes them. They're not as adventurous as me :-) But then again I don't have to share them so I don't mind. I wonder how long their season is? It would be great if they lasted all winter but somehow I doubt it.

Confusion! Total and utter confusion!!

That's me. Things have been quite overwhelming these past couple of weeks....hence no new posts. But I will rectify that in the next wee while and bring you up to date with all that has been going on.

Today is the last day of the last remaining full time personnel worker in the office. That means we go from 3 full time workers to just 2 part time ones and I'm heading the team...the team of 2 that is! I have spent the better part of these past couple of weeks trying to get my head around all the systems and procedures that are already in place. We have been looking at revamping the way we do things and I think it will go well for us and the people we serve. With Jen leaving today that means that tomorrow I can finally get settled at my desk with a phone and hopefully a computer that doesn't keep crashing on me (oh the joys of a PC when you're a Mac girl!!!!)We will begin to look for a third person to join the team but until then Sean and I will hold the fort.

I keep telling Nige that my brian feels mushy and he always replies, "Welcome to my world!" It seems that as you dig a little deeper things get muddier and murkier. Not all hopeless though, it just means that the future looks very busy. Fun though :-)

So that's me now. A working woman, mother and wife etc. It is kind of weird having to go into an office for work when I am so used to just stopping at my computer in my bedroom and working there. It's a nice change though.

More later. So much to write about and so little time. I'm off to chat to the guy who works on our computers and hopefully get some things sorted out.

What's your Visual DNA?

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

These past couple of weeks I have been praying fervently for a good friend who is struggling with the actions of her son. He has made some wrong choices and must face up to the consequences of his actions. This, of course, impacts on the whole family and has broken the hearts of his parents. I have been sympathetic in my prayers, asking for wisdom, patience and love for them as they deal with the things at hand. Little did I realise that things weren't so hot in my own household.

Yesterday we were called to school regarding the actions of one of our own kids. Things were so bad that dire consequences were called for. We were so angry that we were incredibly calm with him! He knew then he was in big trouble!!! It broke my heart that my child had chosen the wrong path and now had to face the consequences....we all have had to.

This whole incident has made me reflect on how we are all handling the change back to NZ. I can't blame that entirely for his actions. He has to learn to deal with peer pressure around him and make the right choice all the time. But I do believe it has something to do with it. We are all struggling at the moment in our own ways. We are all facing decisions on a daily basis that we have never had to make before and there is always an opportunity to make the wrong choice. As parents we need to be more vigilant in helping/guiding our children to do what Jesus would do and stand firm. It is a daily task and one that requires much prayer and wisdom. It's heartening to know that God is a parent as well. He has had a son, live on earth and be surrounded by opportunities to sin. Yet he didn't. I know it's unrealistic to expect my kids, even myself, not to sin but we have a great role model to aspire to be more like. That's what we daily work towards. I think it's time to be more conscious of our efforts.

Friendship: a precious thing

One thing I loved about travelling back to Palmerston North was the fact that I got to hang out with friends. It had felt like an age since I had had a coffee and chatted with a close friend. I realised that that is what I am missing in Auckland. Don't get me wrong, I do have friends up here but the difference is that I am starting over.

I have been thinking about my firends a lot lately. My buddies in Palmy have such a long histroy with me. We all married at the same time, have had kids together and shared many ups and downs. With my friend Jen, we have cried and laughed and prayed together for years. Even though we hadn't seen each other for a long time and hadn't always been good at emailing, it felt like we had always been together. I miss that kind of history. My friends in Ecuador are the same. We have shared so much together that, even now, we don't have to say some things yet they have already been heard. Does that make sense?

I am missing that kind of freedom and relationship. It's hard work having to build up relationships again, trying to begin a history, trying to establish that kind of freedom in sharing. It is beginning little by little. I am enjoying the Woman's Bible study group on a Monday morning. Each week I see the same people and we are learning together and praying for each other but it is still at the "hi, how was your week?" stage. It is hard to break through and be intimate. I guess I just have to lead by example but I have to admit to that getting rather tiring at times.

I know deep friendships will come but they take time and a lot of energy. Some days I just can't be bothered trying.

Travelling again

I looked back on my last post and realised it has been a while since I last wrote. I guess my excuse is that we have been travelling and taking some time out as a family. Much needed might I add as well. We went to Tauranga and stayed with Nigel's parents which was lovely. We took a day out to go to Rotorua, New Zealand's cultural city (see left). It is a beautiful spot set on lake Rotorua. It is famous for it's geothermal activity and historic Maori village sites.

We visited Te Puia which is one of the most well known geothermal areas. We saw boiling mud pools, pooling water pools where the Maori traditionally cooked food and also a couple of geysers. They were amazing. The smell is what really takes your breath away though. The kind of stink of rotten eggs pervades the whole city. We soaked in geothermal hot pool and all came out smelling of sulphur.

The really fun part of the day was riding the gondola up the mountain and hooning down it on a luge. The boys thought it was great! Nige was determined to take the advanced track and ride to his hearts content. I took the slower one with Isy as he was uncertain of the unknown and freaked a little at the speed he could go. Nevertheless he thoroughly enjoyed himself.

After Rotorua and Tauranga we went back to Palmerston North where we caught up with friends, played and did a little work. it was a nice week or so away. The weather has turned cooler so we have brought out our long sleeve shirts. Soon it will be time to put the fire on in the evenings. The electric blanket is being used already! It's nice to jump into a toasty bed and snuggle up in flanette pyjamas. Haven't done that in years!!!

Like a Yoyo! That's how I would discribe my weight loss journey. One week I've lost, the next I've gained. It wasn't entirely unexpected this week though as I literally ate out every day. By the last day of the week we went to Burger King and I ate a yummy burger and chips. Who cares!!!! By then I knew the whole week was a dead loss so decided to enjoy the freedom.

But there is no guilt about it. I just ate too much this past week. I'm not going to turn it into emotional self bashing or into saying that I can't do this (which I would usually do). I'm just going to start anew today (which I have). I really need to get my exercise programme working so that's going to be my focus for the next few weeks. With Easter and loads of chocolate just around the corner I am going to have to be careful but I'm taking this slowly and not about to throw it all in.

Have a happy Easter everyone. Enjoy the chocolate eggs (I will be) but more importantly celebrate the fact that a Man who loves you very much died and rose again to give you the gift of eternal life with Him. That's cool!

To Smack or not to smack?

That's the question which is dividing New Zealand at the moment. The government is trying to pass a law which will make it a chargeable offence to smack your child under any circumstances. They say it is to step out child abuse but the country has gone up in arms. They don't want it. Recent polls say that 84% of the population do not agree with the bill yet the government is trying to get it passed under urgency. It would appear that the politicians aren't listening to the country's wishes.

Now, I haven't waded into this debate at all. I have to admit to having smacked my boys. Now that they are older the frequency of smacks is very low, in fact I can't remember the last time I smacked my oldest. But there are parents out there who beat children within an inch of their lives or have even killed them and they should be stopped.

Sue Bradford, who is the politician behind the bill, has said that this new law is to give the Police the right to prosecute for excessive force used by parents. That's all well in good but it seems that they are throwing the baby out with the bath water and taking this whole thing to extremes. The Police have already said that once this thing becomes law they will have to follow through on any complaint of a child being smacked. Having worked as a social worker for many years I have seen the effects of abuse on children but I think there is a line that has to be drawn between abuse and a small smack on the hand.

The debate consumes TV and radio news. People have become very vocal about their right to discipline, or not, using physical force. Knowing this government it will become law in the next couple of weeks and then parents will be looking over their shoulders everytime they discipline their children. I wonder what kind of future we will have with our kids?

I love that my kids have many international friends. It was such a great experience for them to grow up in Ecuador. They are truely more Ecuadorian then they think. Over the years they hung out quite naturally with Ecuadorians, Americans, Indians, Nigerians, Taiwanese, South Africans, even Australians! They have made many friends with MK's over the years, some of those friendships are long lasting. I think that's one of the great things about MK's (missionary kids). They relate easily with kids and adults from all cultures.

Coming to NZ I wondered who would be my boys friends. They were quick to relate back to the average kiwi kid but I have noticed that since coming to Auckland they are mixing more with international children. Isaac has a great friend from England and Caleb has made friends with a couple of muslim boys. He is our great thinker and has been having late night chats about the differences between Islam and Christianity, why we do what we do and why they do what they do. Deep questions come out of my 11 year olds wee brain. I am proud of him and his thinking as well as his caring, loving heart.

Auckland is an extremely multicultural centre. 20%of our population are Chinese which has been a huge change since we left the country 9 years ago. My mandarin learning should help then! Walking down the street is an international affair with many different languages being spoken. I love it. I have even heard Spanish which just thrills my heart.

Given my boys naturalness in relating to others I wonder from which culture they will marry. Not that I'm hoping that will happen soon but it will definately be an interesting time.

Daylight saving has just ended. For us that meant turning our clocks back an hour on Saturday evening, well Sunday morning. It gave us an extra hour in bed which I would never complain about but I have to admit to finding staying up at night harder and harder.

Since Sunday I have been in bed at 9:30 PM which my body tells me is really 10:30 PM. Makes for a pretty boring social life don't you think? I start feeling droopy at about 8:00 PM before the boys are even getting ready for bed. By 8:30 PM I just want to tuck myself up in my snug duvet and sleep. The other night the boys were still wide awake and I was already in bed sleeping.

The good thing about the end of daylight saving though is that we are getting up a little earlier than normal. That makes the morning routines run just a little smoother and I'm finding that the nagging mother hasn't really had to show her ugly face again. Even our youngest is ready for school with time to spare which is a miracle! With just under two weeks left of my life of luxury (I begin in the SIM office the 3rd April) I'm hoping that my morning routine will run just as smoothly then. There will be a lot to do before I can walk out the door every morning. Of late I've been taking it all a little slower and easier but that time will soon run out.

On another note, I'm glad to post my weight loss this week having lost 900g. Yippee!!! I was thrilled as I had worked hard. Let's hope I can keep the momentum going this next week. It's getting harder as our youngest is now selling chocolate easter eggs as a fund raiser for school. There are several packets just waiting to be bought. But I will not succum!