I have decided to follow Jesus.....No turning back. No turning back.Yesterday, in chapel, I lost it. I know, I know, I tend to lose it more these days but yesterday I totally did.
It had been our turn to present our country to the rest of the SIM International staff. It was expected that we would present something about the NZ office but we really have no idea about that so decided to present Ecuador. I thought I would find it really difficult to see our friends and "family" on the big screen but instead I felt an enormous sense of pride. They were doing such a great job back there, serving the Lord with great gusto and I had had the privilege of serving with them. It was a joy to see them.......and then we sang.
It was the old song "I have decided to follow Jesus". You surely know the one I mean. Anyway I was singing it with great enthusiasm and then came to the words "no turning back" and I realised I was doing exactly that. I was not going back!!! That's when I lost it and couldn't sing any more (I'm such a woose!!!) It hit me...I'm not going back. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not next week even. I had visions of myself landing in Auckland airport on Monday morning and I felt my heart sink. I should be joyful as I will get to see family again but I was overwhelmed with sadness and a great sense of loss. It was hard to contain the tears.
Yet, I have decided to follow Jesus and I am glad to do it. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in this world except in the midst of God's will for my life. I have no doubt that this is what He is asking of me now but the finality of it leaves me weeping. Then, yesterday afternoon we had a girly get together which was lovely. There I read Psalm 37 and found a part of a verse where it says".....and the Lord will lead me by the hand" (can't remember the verse number off by heart). I know that He is with me in all of this and I know that my tears don't threaten Him. In fact He encourages them and just loves me through them.
So I will sing:
I have decided to follow Jesus
I have decided to follow Jesus
I have decided to follow Jesus
No turning back
No turning back.
2 comments:
The second verse gets me too...
Though none go with me, I still will follow...no turning back, no turning back.
So much of what it means to be a follower of Jesus entails walking a lonely trail. Of course He is walking with us, but sometimes it does seem like we are walking it alone!
Hey, Richelle, I'm glad to be back online after a week at our lake house where we don't even have a phone line. It was so cool to meet you and Nigel. Now, thanks to this posting, I know even better how to pray for you. I can't help thinking how valuable your personal parting pain will be as you interact with all the Kiwis who are coming and going through the SIM office there.
Blessings,
Carol
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